Christmas at the Colters!
by The Real Americans
Summary: Christmas at the Colters has started early this year, and Zeb just can't wait for the festivities to begin! (Jokefic) Includes the Shield, the Real Americans and a whole host of others.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Not to be taken seriously, this is a joke fiction and it's only purpose is too make people laugh. We have no idea where this story is going to go at all, hence the M rating. _

Zeb Colter was a man who loved Christmas. He loved the decorations, music, food and everything else that came along with the holiday season. It was only three weeks until Christmas eve, and Zeb was currently decorating his house for the festivities that were to come. He had a giant smile on his face as he placed the last of the Christmas baubles on the tree, all the while humming and swinging his hips to his favourite Christmas song.

The Christmas stockings were already lined up along the fireplace, each one was hand-knitted by non other than Zeb's best friend and occasional lover, Antonio Cesaro. They were a variety of colours and had different letters stitched onto each one.

Just as the track on Zeb's old fashioned vinyl record player changed, Antonio came into the lounge holding a tray of freshly baked Christmas cookies that he and Jack had been making all morning. They were in a variety of festive shapes. Zeb licked his lips when he saw the tray of delicious treats and almost tripped as he ran over to grab and eat one.

"Careful Zebby, they're still hot." Antonio smiled and squeezed Zeb's cheek as he stuffed a cookie into his mouth, devouring it with just a few bites. Antonio loved that Zeb had such a big appetite. He went back for another cookie, and another... until Antonio finally has to wrestle the tray away from Zeb's crumby claws.

"Now now Zeb, save some for our guests." Antonio put the tray on the coffee table and took off his pink apron. He had been working hard all morning, cooking and cleaning, ready for the arrival of his best friends.

After another 10 minutes of getting the house together, the doorbell rang. Antonio squealed with excitement knowing exactly who it would be. He left Zeb alone in the lounge and almost ran to the door. When he answered it, he was greeted by a very excited Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose. Roman was stood just behind them, wearing a Santa hat and his "I'm a rapist" t-shirt. Dean had bought it for him last year as a joke, without knowing that in the summer, Roman would be taken into custody for wearing that shirt to the pool and scaring all the little kids.

"Come in!" Antonio said, almost squealing again. "Zeb is decorating the tree! Oh he'll be so excited to see you all!" He led all three of them into the lounge and invited them to sit down. Luckily, Antonio remembered the yule log he had left in the oven ,so he excused himself to go and check on it.

"Howdy ya'll." Zeb sat down on the large armchair opposite the three little elves. That was the nickname Zeb had given Dean, Seth and Roman at last years Christmas party. The Christmas party at the Colter household was somewhat considered a tradition for most of the WWE roster. Of course quite a few couldn't make it, due to having to spend the holidays at home with their families. "How was ya ride in?" Zeb asked with his thick southern accent.

The Christmas music was still playing the background as all four of them made small talk. Roman hardly spoke, but he stuffed his face with as many cookies as he could. When Antonio came back into the room, he was shocked to see that Roman and Zeb had eaten the whole tray between them. Dean and Seth were only allowed a nibble.

"So, shall I show you all your rooms?" Antonio asked sweetly. Dean nodded excitedly and almost sprinted up the stairs. Antonio lead Seth and Roman to the second floor and down the hall.

"This is your room Seth." Antonio smiled as he opened the door to a Christmas themed room. He must have spent a lot of money getting this room ready. The bed was made of gingerbread and edible candy canes hung from the ceiling. Roman looked extremely jealous.

"I hope you don't mind sharing, Big E will be here tomorrow and we're a bit tight on space." Antonio shrugged. Seth sat down on his cookie bed and felt the sheets. He was surprised to find they were made of candy floss. The Willy Wonka room as nicknamed by Antonio took weeks to prepare.

Next, Antonio showed Roman to his room. Roman looked suitably impressed, since the room was decorated like the jungle with real like dung-flinging monkeys. Roman got on his hands and knees and ran off into his natural habitat.

"and this room is yours Dean." Antonio said as they reached the final bedroom. The room looked like any normal guest room, which surprised Dean. But when he opened the closet he found an unlimited supply of Mince Pies. His favourite holiday treat. Dean was over the moon.

Once all of the boys were settled, Antonio made his way downstairs, exhausted after his short tour.

"Do they like thur rooms, hun?" Zeb asked with his sexy southern twang. Antonio nodded, he looked extremely proud of himself. He was certain that he had outdone last years decorating.

Zeb sat with his feet up on the coffee table, holding a cup of Hot Chocolate that he made while Antonio was upstairs. He let out a jolly Santa-like laugh and continued to hum the Christmas songs that were coming from his record player. Zeb was definitely excited for this years Christmas at the Colters.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, why do you always get the Malteser selection box?" Dean whined as he eyed up Seth's treat from Zeb. "Because, Dean, I don't know if you've noticed, but whenever a malteser is bitten in half, it looks a lot like my hair." Seth retorted, a smug look upon his bearded features. "That's such a lame excuse.." Dean muttered under his breath. "Now, now, Dean. Uncle Zeb didn't forget about you my angry little elf!" Zeb chuckled to himself at the obvious rivalry between the two men. And with that, Dean's eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store. "Oh boy, oh boy!" He exclaimed bouncing in his seat. "Here ya go, son. Careful though, don't eat them all now. Ya don't wanna be giving yourself a tummy ache!" Zeb set down the large 300g tube of Smarties in Dean's lap. Dean gasped as he picked up the tube, his eyes wide as saucers. "Holy fuck! This is awesome, oh thank you Uncle Zeb!" Seth took serious note of this exchange and leaned over with a frown. "Hey, woah woah woah...how come Dean gets that huge tube of chocolate? And I get a measly selection box?" He tossed the cardboard covered chocolate to the side in a huff. "Because, SETH, I don't know if you've ever noticed, but this GIANT tube of chocolate here is riiiight about the same size as my -"  
"WHOOOOO WANTS EGGNOG!?" Antonio exclaimed in a sing-song voice, appearing from the kitchen doorway, cutting Dean off mid sentence. He looked flushed from all his hard work in the kitchen. Before anyone could answer him, the doorbell went. Everyone looked at one another in shock, the guests weren't supposed to be arriving for another hour or so at least.

"Now who in the hell could that be?" Zeb whispered to no one in particular.

"I don't know.."

"You expecting anyone, Zeb?"

"Quick, turn the lights off! Maybe if they think we're not home, they'll go away!"

"And WHY THE FUCK wouldn't anyone be home when Zeb is hosting the party tonight?"

"_BECAUSE_, it's too fucken' early, _SETH_!"

"Oh because you're suddenly Mr. Organised, huh _DEAN_?"

"Least I win championship matches."

"_Least I win championship mat-_shut the hell up before I make you."

"Bring it, you two-toned dick, I'm right here, whaddya gonna do?"

"GUYS! Please! My pie is burning and this stress isn't helping."

The doorbell rang for a second, and a third time.

"Seriously, who could be at the door?"

Suddenly Roman came charging down the large staircase."Is ANYBODY gonna answer that!?" He growled in annoyance. "Ah, Roman! My big, burely elf. I was just about to y'know but things are getting so crazy around here I just can't keep up with everything! Phew!" Zeb wiped the non-existent sweat from his forehead and slumped in the big arm chair, obviously exhausted from the antics of the past half hour. Roman shooted Zeb a small smile in an understanding manner, before narrowing his eyes towards Seth and Dean, who were both sulking over the attitude of one another. "You two better get your shit together. If you even think about ruining this for everyone, I will have you doing shit that no man likes to do. Got that?" Dean and Seth wildy nodded their heads in acceptance. You don't mess with Roman. It's the rules of Masculism. "Hey, uh, is anyone gonna let me in!? I'm freezing mah balls off out here!" Everyones heads whipped towards the door, to which the sound was coming from the other side. The smile on Zeb's face grew as the seconds passed. Could it be? No it couldn't...could it? That sounded like.. no, this was too good to be true. "Roman, open the dang door!" He exlclaimed in excitement. Roman flung the door open, and who was stood on the other side? None other than Zeb's best, and lifelong friend, Aubrey. "Aubrey! You made it! You REALLY made it!" Zeb sprang from his seat ready to greet his best bro, but was suddenly halted in his tracks by the hostality in the air between Aubrey and Roman, sizing each other up.

"Uh..sup, I'm Roman."

"So.. you're a rapist, huh?" Aubrey ignored his introduction and looked him up and down. Roman chuckled nervously. "No sir, no I'm not. See, my friend, Dean..you've heard of him, right? Dean Ambrose. Well anyways, he thought it would be funny to buy this for me last Christmas."

"You have funny friends." Aubrey stared at him with a blank expression, chewing on the cocktail stick between his teeth.

"It was just a joke."

"And you thought you'd make that joke ten-times funnier by actually wearing it?"

"Look, I-"

"Don't 'look' me, boy." Aubrey cut him off not wanting to hear his bullshit excuses. "I have a young daughter, ya know. YOU are the reason I don't let her roam the streets at night. I know your type, I see y'all left right and centre with mah own two eyes."

"This is my first time around the area, man. Sorry. Didn't mean to offend." Roman held up his hand in defence.

"And it better be your last unless you take that dang shirt off. Ya gon' invite me in or what? Mah testicles are like icicles out here."

With the episode of Aubrey and Roman seemingly put to one side, everyone was finally getting along in the Colter household. The decorations were all up, the fire was blasting, and the guys were getting into the Christmas spirit before the party later that evening. Zeb smiled to himself, staring down at the red and gold flashing tinsel draped around his neck. Ain't no Christmas like a Colter Christmas. Suddenly, a wild idea popped into his head to pass the time. "Men! How's about a game of TRUTH or DARE?" His eyes sparkled with mischievousness. Antonio grinned as his shoulders slumped. "Aw, guys, I totally would love that but I have to check my vol au vents!" He scurried out of the lounge to the kitchen, with his pink apron on, ass swaying as he walked. "Damn." Jack eyed up his tag-team partner. "I hate to thee him go, but I lurrrve watsching him leave." Zeb slapped him upside the head. "Put yur tongue away, boy! It's Christmas! Share the love!" "Hey guys, I got a better idea" Dean piped up, snickering. "How about we listen to some Fozzy?"  
"AHHHHH NO WAY, THAT SHIT IS BRUTAL! Seth howled.

"A cat scratch.."

"A whiplash.."

"A witch hunt in black.."

"SANDPAPAAAAAAAAAAAA!" The Shield all chorused together.

"HEY, I heard that!" a voice was heard from upstairs.

The men in the room all looked to one another with curious expressions.

"Uh, who let the Jericho in?"


	3. Chapter 3

In the upstairs bathroom, Jericho was only just managing to squeeze his one-too-many mince pie ass through the small window. He fell to the bathroom floor with a thud, dropping the Santa bag of goodies and practically breaking everything in the process. After recovering from the fall he stood up and reapplied his Santa hat, He had come dressed in the full Santa get up, with a sack of gifts for everyone.

He quickly found his way downstairs and stumbled into the lounge where everyone was enjoying themselves. They all looked somewhat annoyed that Jericho had seen fit to invite himself, following last years 'incident' with Michael Cole and the mistletoe.

"HO HO HO!" Jericho screeched in his best singing voice, although even that wasn't great.

"More like ho ho no." Dean sniggered from the back of the room. Seth shoved his friend slightly but couldn't stop a small laugh from escaping.

"Jericho... what are you doing here?" Antonio asked. "Without sounding mean, we didn't invite you..."

"A real rockstar doesn't need an invitation!" Jericho laughed loudly and shoved his way past Antonio. He made his way into the centre of the lounge so that all eyes were on him, just the way he liked it. He placed his Santa sack on the floor and started rummaging around. Everyone exchanged nervous glances while Jericho was distracted by his bag of treats. They all wondered why he was here. Perhaps he had an ulterior motive?

"This!" Jericho shouted as he stood back up, holding a present. "This is for you Sethy."

He handed over the pink box and Seth smiled nervously. He slowly untied the pink ribbon and opened the box, inside the box he found a roll of sandpaper.

"I don't get it..." Seth held the roll in his hand and looked at Jericho, completely bemused.

"What don't you get junior?" Jericho grinned. "Let me explain... This sandpaper is from Home Depo."

"and?"

"... and, I'm going to shove it up your ass next time you make fun of my music!" Jericho shouted as the smile on his face disappeared "DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME YOU LITTLE SHIT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Jericho picked up the sack of broken gifts and swung it around his head, rapidly the sack gained speed.

"Quick! Erryone outta tha room! He's gun blow!" Zeb shouted, he hopped up from his chair and ushered as many people out of the room as he could. Antonio was nearly in tears at the scene that was unfolding.

Before Seth had a chance to get up and leave, Jericho hit him with the bag. It hurt like holy hell and Seth cried out in pain. He crawled along the floor and managed to make his way out of the room, joining the rest of his friends in the hall. Zeb held the lounge door shut with his foot up against the wall as Jericho went wild inside. He could be heard shouting obscenities and smashing things on the other side.

"Now listen ya'll... me and Aubrey are gon' take care of this here situation." Zeb nodded to his friend Aubrey and Aubrey understood what he needed to do. He grabbed the two umbrella's near the door and handed one to Zeb. "The rest of ya'll need ta get ta safety ya hear?"

The group nodded and made their way to the kitchen. Antonio was so shaken up over what happened that he was still crying. Roman tried his best to comfort everyone by making his famous samoan loco hot coco. Meanwhile in the hall, Zeb and Aubrey were about ready to take on the rabid Jericho.

Zeb cautiously opened the door and they stepped inside. Jericho was nowhere to be seen, although the room was a mess. Picture frames were shattered on the floor and the Christmas tree itself was tipped over.

"Curfull now Aubrey." Zeb whispered, holding his umbrella out like a weapon. He scanned the room but there was still no sign of Jericho. Aubrey stayed close to Zeb and they paced carefully.

"There!"Aubrey shouted. Out of nowhere, Jericho jumped both men, shouting and screaming and foaming from the mouth. Zeb had never seen such a horrible sight. He tried to keep Jericho at bay with the umbrella but it was no use. He was absolutely wild and rabid. There was no taming this beast.

"Zeb! We need ta get outta here!" Aubrey shouted as he tried to defend his best friend. Zeb was not giving up easy though.

"I'll kill em!" Zeb shouted. His face turned a bright shade of red as he became increasingly angry at Jericho. How dare he barge in and ruin the party and festivities for everyone else!?

Jericho lined himself up and growled. Zeb's eyes went wide as he realised what Jericho was planning to do. He was about to charge and destroy Zeb for good.

Suddenly, a giant crash could be heard. Jericho's eyes went hazy and he fell to the floor in a daze. Zeb tried to adjust his eyes so that he could see what was going on. He quickly pushed his glasses up and looked over to where the rabid Jericho once stood.

"Oh my gawd..." Zeb muttered once he finally realised who had saved the day.

"He gets everywhere doesn't he?" Michael Cole laughed as he dropped the baking tray he had used to knock out Jericho. "Hold on... gotta check the WWE App." He pulled his phone out and started scrolling through the variety of apps he had downloaded. Zeb and Aubrey looked stunned. What an entrance!

"What are we gonna do with him?" Aubrey asked after a few moments of silence. He looked at Jericho who was laid out in a starfish position face first.

"We should put em in tha basement. At least 'till tha party is over."

"Good plan." Aubrey nodded.

Zeb took hold of Jerichos arms, while Aubrey took his legs and they carried him to the basement. They left him just at the bottom of the stairs with some food and water for when he finally came around, before finally locking the door and starting work on fixing the house. They only had an hour until the party, and now it seemed there wasn't going to be one.


End file.
